In the spirit of the day, our pastor (the Rev. Jeff Cheifetz) shared the following story, which can be found in the book, Holy Humor:
During an ecumenical gathering, someone rushed in, shouting, "The building is on fire!"
- The Methodists at once gathered in a corner and prayed.
- The Catholics passed a collection plate to cover the damages.
- The Baptists cried, "Everybody into the water."
- The Lutherans posted a notice on the door declaring fire was evil, because it was the natural abode of the devil.
- The Congregationalists shouted, "Every [one] for [her]self!"
- The Seventh-Day Adventists proclaimed, "It's the vengeance of an angry God!"
- The Christian Scientists agreed among themselves that there really was not a fire.
- The Presbyterians appointed a chairperson, who was to appoint a committee to look into the matter and make a written report to the next Session.
- The Episcopalians formed a procession and marched out in good order.
- The Unitarian Universalists concluded that the fire had as much right to be there as anyone else.
And here's a few gems he shared that have been culled from church bulletins:
- The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church
- Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands
- The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus"
- The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth Into Joy"
- Don't let worry kill you - let the church help
Once a minister parked her car in a no-parking zone because she was short on time and couldn't find a space with a meter. So she put a note under the windshield wiper that read: "I have circled this block ten times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my appointment. FORGIVE US OUR TRESPASSES." When she returned, she found a citation from a police officer along with this note. "I've circled this block for ten years. If I don't give you a ticket, I'll lose my job. LEAD US NOT INTO TEMPTATION.”