We'll Have Fun, Fun, Fun... (Rockin' Down the Highway)

The summer driving season is upon us. Here's a few "suggestions" on how to make it more enjoyable for all of us:

• When you're driving 65 and see a Highway Patrol, the speed limit doesn't suddenly drop to 55.
• Tailgating me doesn't make me go faster.
• Some of you evidently believe that you're the exception to the rule that talking on your cell phone diminishes your ability to drive. You're wrong.
• You may be surprised to discover that there are two levers on both sides of the steering wheel. One turns on the wipers (you're probably familiar with that one). The other operates what are known as "turn signals" or "blinkers," which when used correctly inform other drivers (such as myself) you're intentions. I've found that it really helps my driving when I have a clue what you plan to do next.
• When you realize at the last second that the next exit is the one you want, it doesn't mean you can slam on the breaks and cut across three lanes to get to it. Paraphrasing Dick Francis, risking lifetimes to save a few minutes is a bad bet.
• I know it's hard to believe, but the rest of us have as much right to the road as you do.
• Just because you come up behind me in the fast lane going 95 doesn't mean I have to get over -- not if I'm driving between 65-70 and passing cars in the lane next to me. When I get to the end of the line, I'll pull over and let you by.
• Do you really need to retweet just now?
• The fact that you have fourteen people in your car doesn't mean you can plop yourself in the diamond (i.e., carpool) lane and drive 45. This is especially irritating when the diamond lane isn't even in effect. If you're going to drive slow, get in the right lane and let those of us approaching the speed limit by.
• I appreciate all you single drivers who don't drive in the diamond lane during commute time. But, surely, you don't really think the CHP is less likely to notice you weaving in and out of the other lanes at 70-80 than than if you were driving 65 in the diamond lane?
• This may come as a shock but when the diamond lane is in effect, the middle lane (or if we're talking about at four-lane freeway, the lane next to the commute lane) is the passing lane. This means that it isn't the place to toddle along at ten miles per hour below the speed of traffic. Do the rest of us a favor and get over into the right lane where you belong.
• Cruise-control is a wonderful thing. Not only does the constant speed help your gas mileage, it will also keep you from passing me 3-4 times every commute.
• The random changing of lanes is unnecessary and irritating
• If the lane that you're in eventually turns into an exit lane that doesn't mean you're free to drive 45 in it until it does.
• Is that text you're sending really that important?
• If you insist on driving 45, may I suggest surface streets? If you insist on driving 95, may I suggest Nevada?